I attended the 'Classroom of the Heart (temporary)' about six or seven times when I was eight years old. After graduation, for a while, my mother used to say 'Do something for your heart!' when something happened, but it seems she forgot after a few months. The word 'heart' completely disappeared from our conversations.
After enjoying my last class at the 'Forest with a Spring,' I decided to challenge myself alone at home some time after graduation. I arrived at a second location. It resembled a place like the 'King's Chamber' inside a vast cave. For some reason, I intensely felt nostalgia and an overwhelming sense of absolute comfort there. Simply being there was incredibly soothing, and without any particular reason, I leisurely relaxed before returning. At eight years old, I understood that by 'diving,' I could emerge in either the 'Forest with a Spring' or the 'King's Chamber within the cave.
Afterward, my uncle's condition, which had been smiling happily while solving the puzzle at the forest spring, never improved. I ended up feeling like, 'What was that all about?' Gradually, I ceased delving into the matters of the heart. The question of 'Where were those two places I visited back then?' lingered, but realizing it was fruitless to ponder further, I decided to halt my contemplation.
For some reason, I couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone about the Classroom of the Heart or the experiences I had diving. Time passed without me sharing with anyone, and while the memories didn't fade away, there weren't any particular moments that triggered their recall.
Around 30 years have passed.
I moved to America, got married, and had three children.
At 38, one late December night, around the 27th or 28th of December, everyone in the family had gone to bed. Without much thought, I was looking at the calendar on the wall for the upcoming year.
January, oh, New Year's falls on this day, huh? February, Valentine's is on a weekday. March, my stomach tightens—huh?
My stomach tightened, just like a contraction. It felt like the early stages of labor—no pain, but a surge of power making my stomach tense up, exactly like it.
I wondered if it was just my imagination. I continued looking at the calendar.
June, a tightness—July, another one—August, it's intensifying! It's getting a bit painful!
Huh? I've had three births, did labor pains become a habit? No, that can't be it. I've never heard of such a thing.
Is it an illness? 'Calendar contractions'? What kind of illness is that!
I started getting scared.
Oh no, if this is an illness, what am I going to do... But wait, an illness that coincides with looking at a calendar, that's not possible, right? What is this, what's happening?
I started to panic a bit.
Let's calm down for now. Take a deep breath... Alright, no tightening now. Should I check September...
I flipped through the calendar. September. Tightening again. I knew it—😭😭😭
It keeps happening more and more! October—tightening! November—intense tightening! I can't bear it! I'm too scared to look at December!!!
What is this? What's happening to me?
Panic.
Calm down, calm down, calm down.
This isn't an illness. There can't be an illness triggered by looking at a calendar and causing this tightening sensation. Is it something with my mind? My mental state?
Does it imply anxiety about the future when I look at the calendar? Then why don't January and February cause this? Is the anxiety limited to three months from now? What's going on here?
Let's think. Let's think this through carefully.
There were months with 'tightening' and months with 'intense tightening!' Especially November was too intense, almost causing discomfort in my ribs. Let me double-check.
Flipping through the calendar
I've come to understand a bit. There are months without the 'tightening,' regular months, and intense 'tightening' months—these three types.
When examining the days of the 'tightening' months, there are particular days with an especially strong sensation. It can last for about a week at times.
In the months with intense 'tightening,' every single day exhibits this sensation.
No matter how many times I review the calendar, it remains the same. I've marked all the 'tightening' days on my phone's calendar for now.
Ultimately, I couldn't grasp the answer to 'What is this?' and gave up thinking further that night.
This was my realization, the initial contact from the guide.
It's a sign of a beginning.
(11.03.2016)
